I vow not to unleash anger, but to seek its source.
Anger seems to be about control. We get angry when objects do not behave according to our expectations, that is, do not fulfill our desires. We feel that we cannot control them. Control is a matter of ego’. I believe that we think of things that are easy to control as “me”, “mine”, “I” or “my body”. For example, my car can be part of my body when I drive it. My hand can be perceived as not mine when it falls asleep. We generally like things that follow our commands. We do not like things that resist. In this way, the ego wants to expand. Unfortunately, this expansion is endless. Thus, empires are created that are driven by this kind of greed.
Anger seems to be the product of the belief that the “I” exists and is separate from other “I-s” and objects. the “I” wants to grow and incorporate other objects. So the best way to deal with anger is to see everything as one. However, this is not easy. We are conditioned in many ways, and it is neither possible nor practical to live a life free of the ego.
Looking for the source of anger can be very interesting. We can learn about our inner landscape. Anger usually wants to protect certain values. We very often believe that we are not aggressive, but we act to protect these values. Our rational mind is very adept at finding excuses and explanations.
Byron Katie’s Work has been very helpful to me. I also have many years of experience with psychoanalysis. Turn-arounds are something psychoanalysis calls projective identification. It is very hard to reverse the situation and realize that what we do not like so much is a part of us that we project into others. It is very healing when we are able to reintegrate this shameful part of ourselves.
