I vow not to kill, but to cherish all life.
Killing is always seen as the most fundamental violation in all ethical and religious systems. Life itself is usually the most ultimate goal of any spiritual process. Thus, protecting and supporting it are the most direct actions we can take.
There is a significant difference between performing the same activity with the attitude of loving kindness and intention to eradicate the encountered object. Although, we may say that physically we are doing the same things, the intention has its effect on the outcome. For example, if someone cooks a meal with love, everything in the kitchen is harmonious. But when anger arises and each item is an enemy, the kitchen looks like the battlefield.
However, the most fundamental difference happens inside of ourselves. An attitude of love turns our potential enemies into allies. Thanks to this, we can receive their support. Otherwise, we may live in an impression that everything and everybody around is prosecuting us or eventually hunting to break down or kill. So it is our choice in which world we want to live.
We may have an impression that the precept is easy to implement because killing is a very obvious act. However, when we look closer things become more complicated and ambiguous.
During sesshin in Sonoma Mountain Zen Center, I was given a task to weed out a bed with flowers. When doing it, I was surprised how beautiful these weeds are and started to question myself, how do we decide that something should live or die. I had images of German soldiers in Auschwitz deciding who went to the gas chamber and who went to work.
It bothered me. I wanted to find a good solution in which we all could live in harmony without necessity to eradicate any being. During dokusan, I told Kwong Roshi about my dilemma. He said: “Every breath you take, you kill millions of beings.”. Then, I understood that my desire of living in the world without killing is impossible to meet.
One life takes the space of another life. Should I stop breathing to save those microbes? The only thing we can do is to decide what life we support and who we let die. It seems to be a huge responsibility.
I realized that my hope that all beings can live without killing was mainly an escape from the burden of this responsibility. Since killing is inevitable, we may try to kill as little as possible and use only as much as is necessary. We may end up in some type of obsessive minimalism i.e. not using gas propelled vehicles, taking less showers, wearing old clothes, patrolling if there are any unnecessary electric devices plugged etc. In some way, we try to wash away guilt by all these obsessive actions. We may end up with a ridiculous belief that our desire for living is sinful and a cause of suffering of others.
The paradox is that we are more focused on killing than nourishing life so the consequence of this attitude is that we starve the life.
The alternative is taking the responsibility for lives that were sacrificed in order we could live and do our everyday activity. When writing this essay, I’m using electricity. I had a breakfast that turned into my physical and mental energy. During this time, I could help with other things that may not be done. It is all about choosing what to do. Maybe this essay is worth these sacrifices? It motivates to do a better job.
