I vow not to misuse sexual energy, but to be honest and respectful.
On one hand, sex is beautiful and a nice thing to do with another person. On the other hand, it can be a strong distraction. It is a very strong instinct. Our bodies are programmed to reproduce, so sometimes it is enough to have just a small stimulus and all our life is about sex.
I suppose that this is the main reason why many spiritual practitioners in many traditions recommend celibacy. Making a vow simplifies life and it’s easier not to pursue the excitement but just stop it when it is not strong.
This is a general delusion of desires. We think if we indulge ourselves a bit it becomes weaker. In fact, it is opposite, i.e., the more we get involved in them, they start growing. This doesn’t have to be a problem itself. Sex is not a problem itself either, at least as long as it is something we use to build a relationship with another person. The problem starts when sexual excitement takes the control over us and we become only a tool for it to express.
This way we get into trouble by doing things which we would have not done if our mind were sober from the sexual excitement.
Sexual interactions can be very subtle. My observation is that less experienced practitioners give me more trouble than more experienced ones. I feel that more experienced ones cooperate with me in avoiding this type of stimulation.
It also shows me how normal and common are flirting and seducing outside the monastery. Those new-coming practitioners are usually not aware of how people react to them and what they do to cause this type of reaction. I’m far from judging them. It is how normal life looks like. However, we in the monastery learn how to help each other.
In some traditions (e.g., vipassana) men and women are kept separately. It does not help as long as we see each other in different situations. My feeling was that the results were rather opposite. Segregation created some type of sensation of forbidden fruit, and thinking was springing from there.
However, it was much easier for me to practice when there were only men attending a retreat. My mind, in a natural way, was focused on other things and sexuality didn’t manifest so much. It was much easier for me to feel the hunger for practice. Maybe, this was one of the reasons why Shakiamuni Buddha was reluctant to accept women in Sangha.
On the other hand, being exposed to sexual attraction is a great opportunity to practice and to learn more about ourselves. I learned that sexual desire creates this illusion that we are incomplete and unhappy. We think that only a union with a special person can make us complete again. I needed to be exposed to different situations to learn that. If I stayed cloistered with other men, I probably would not have a chance to observe it.
